The holidays bring us home. And sometimes, walking through that familiar front door after months apart, we notice things we couldn’t see through phone calls and video chats.
Maybe it’s the stack of unopened mail on the counter. The expired milk in the fridge. The way Dad pauses a beat too long before remembering your daughter’s name. These moments can catch us off guard—and leave us wondering if it’s time to have a difficult conversation.
If you’re visiting aging parents this holiday season, here’s what to watch for and what those signs might mean.
Changes in the Home Environment
Our parents’ homes often tell stories they won’t. Take a quiet walk through with fresh eyes:
In the kitchen: Are there expired foods in the pantry or refrigerator? Scorched pots that suggest forgotten burners? A freezer full of identical frozen dinners? These can indicate challenges with meal planning, memory, or mobility that make cooking difficult.
Throughout the house: Notice piles of clutter in someone who was always tidy? Dusty surfaces, dirty floors, or laundry piling up? Difficulty maintaining a home doesn’t mean someone has become lazy; it often signals physical limitations, low energy due to depression, or cognitive changes that make multi-step tasks overwhelming.
Bills and paperwork: Unopened mail, past-due notices, or duplicate purchases of the same items can indicate trouble with executive function, memory, or vision problems that make reading difficult.
Physical Warning Signs
Some changes are visible if we know how to look:
Unexplained weight loss or gain. Clothes that hang loosely or have become too tight might mean they’re struggling to shop, cook, or remember to eat regular meals. It could also indicate an underlying health issue.
Bruises or injuries. Falls are one of the leading causes of injury in older adults. If you notice bruises, ask gently how they happened. Frequent falls—even ones they brush off—are serious warning signs.
Changes in mobility. Watch how they move. Are they gripping furniture as they walk? Struggling to get up from chairs? Hesitating at stairs? These small compensations often precede larger mobility challenges.
Decline in personal grooming. If your always-polished mother has unwashed hair, or your fastidious father is wearing stained clothes, something has changed. Bathing becomes genuinely difficult when balance, strength, or memory are compromised.
Cognitive and Emotional Red Flags
These can be harder to spot—and easier to explain away:
Repeating stories or questions. We all repeat ourselves sometimes. But if Mom asks the same question three times in an hour, or tells you the same story she told yesterday as if it’s brand new, pay attention.
Confusion about time, place, or people. Mixing up days of the week is normal. Not recognizing longtime neighbors, forgetting what year it is, or getting lost driving familiar routes is not.
Personality changes. Depression and cognitive decline can both cause withdrawal, irritability, or apathy. If your outgoing father seems checked out, or your calm mother is suddenly anxious or suspicious, these shifts deserve attention.
Trouble following conversations. Difficulty tracking a discussion, finding words, or following the plot of a TV show they’ve watched for years can indicate cognitive changes.
Social and Behavioral Changes
Sometimes the clearest signs come from how they live their lives:
Isolation. Have they stopped attending church, seeing friends, or participating in activities they once loved? Social withdrawal often indicates either physical limitations making it hard to get out, or cognitive changes that make social situations feel overwhelming.
Neglected responsibilities. An overgrown yard from your master-gardener dad. Unpaid property taxes from your accountant mom. When people stop doing things that once defined them, it’s rarely by choice.
Changes in driving. New dents on the car. Getting lost on routine trips. Other family members mention concerns. Driving requires split-second decisions and complex coordination—it’s often one of the first abilities to show decline.
What to Do With What You Notice
Recognizing these signs is just the first step. Here’s how to move forward thoughtfully:
Document what you observe. Write down specific examples with dates. This information will be valuable for conversations with siblings, doctors, or care providers.
Have a conversation—but choose your moment. The middle of holiday dinner isn’t the time. Find a quiet moment, lead with love, and focus on specific concerns rather than generalizations. “I noticed the bills piling up and wanted to see if I could help” lands better than “You can’t take care of yourself anymore.”
Talk to their doctor. If your parent(s) are willing, accompany them to a medical appointment. Many conditions that cause these symptoms—thyroid problems, vitamin deficiencies, medication interactions, UTIs in older adults—are treatable.
Explore your options together. In-home care isn’t all-or-nothing. It might start with someone coming a few hours a week for light housekeeping and companionship, then adjust as needs change. The goal is supporting independence, not replacing it.
Include your parent in decisions. Unless safety is an immediate concern, your parent deserve a voice in their own care. Autonomy and dignity matter at every age.
A Note on Guilt
You might leave this holiday visit carrying guilt—for not noticing sooner, for living far away, for not having easy answers. That guilt is understandable, but it isn’t useful.
What matters now is what you do with what you’ve seen. Your attention, your concern, and your willingness to have hard conversations? That’s love in action.
The holidays gave you a window. What you do with it is up to you.
If you’re considering in-home care options for a parent, start by reaching out to us to explore how we may support your family.
For in-home senior care, consult with us. Schedule a call.